“I learned to read!”

Marchman’s quest for his One True Worst Take may have finally been completed here. “A steak is not food.” “An eyeball is not a body part.” “An eagle is not a bird.” “Chess is not a board game.”

Nobody thought it was strange that the titles of two of his collections were “Tous Les Yeux Sur Moi” and “Strictement Pour Mes Niggas” 

Thanks for clarifying all this! Man, I wish the author had seen fit to include this pertinent information.

These petty beefs have really humped the shark.

For anyone who missed the fight, you can watch the complete fight at this link:

Don’t let perfect be the enemy of good. This is good.

C’mon, that coat’s enormous. It had, like, 7-9 pockets.

The score was 34-31 and the 49ers had four plays inside the 10 to end the game. What in God’s name are you talking about?

LeBron is already the best. In any other sport we’d be excited to see someone take the throne as the best of all time (which happened for LeBron roughly 50 weeks ago). In basketball we try to fight it.

Dumhoulin added that for the first time in his life he regrets not wiping out.

How about shortening the lineup to 6 players? How about creating a cadre of robots that throws 5,000 pitches per second to allow for simulation of the entire season? How about summarily executing all players from the 25 man rosters of any team involved in a game that exceeds 45 minutes? We must examine all available…

I’m sure whenever he actually says “You’re fired” he incorrectly pronounces it as “Your fired”

That’s exactly what someone impersonating his twin brother on an NBA playoff team would say.

It’s interesting and a bit weird whenever a celeb shaves off their famous beard.

Rumor has it the cheerleaders were also part of a pyramid scheme.

Maybe the alcoholism thing was all a big misunderstanding. I mean, it’s easy to understand how people might have thought he had alcohol problems. Everytime he mentioned the Redskins, he was slurring.

Are you including the figures to the right of the decimal point?

This is overblown. He’s got a lot to learn but he’ll have AIDS.