Solution to tips 1 and 3:

Got news for ya, bub... nearly every Canadian north of Edmonton owns a gun. Probably several.

When you have "real" drag-strip tires on (drag radials or slicks), the water lowers the adhesive strength of the tire long enough to initiate a burn-out, which raises the temperature of the tire to its operating range and gets all the little rocks 'n stuff off of them.

Actually our preferred hotel is a Marriott Residence Inn..

Well to be fair, the police themselves really only need to worry about the first four or so... and frankly I don't think the third amendment's been brought up in a really, really long time.

Oh come on, people. It's not like you can really expect police officers to know what the 4th amendment is, or what it means. That constitutional right stuff is hard.

Laying with muscles unmoved for hours? Try days. In a landfill.

Well with that logic, I bet you can get some pretty awesome prices on SIMM sticks.

For what it's worth, after several intensive inspections, if nothing is found wrong with the wing assembly, that damage can be repaired and the plane flown again. The fuselage, for as important as it is to our comfort and safety, is not a critical part of the aircraft.

Look again - the plane hits on the right main bogey first, then hops back into the air... then lands on the nose wheels before the rear main wheels hit. Basically, it did a faceplant. You see those videos on Spike TV where skater punks land on their face, and their necks make crazy weird angles and it looks really…

Breaking News: Seals Actually Kind Of At Home In Water

Scissors and matting paper. Solved.

Think of it as more of a "yin/yang" thing. Using pseudo-intellectualism to cheat a man out of his money seems to call for a more base response. Like a punch in the throat. I thought about it for a minute, actually, and it seemed to be the most logical response. As well as well deserved. I'm not normally a violent man,…

You should be in the Navy, and have to use Courier New for all your correspondence. The Midway March plays in my head every time I draft a memo.

I'll add Switzerland right below Sweden on my list of "Countries not to fuck with, ever".

That's not "outsmarting" somebody. In fact, by that logic, I'm "outsmarting" you by collapsing your trachea, rendering you unable to finish the drink. I didn't touch my drink!

"Toyota: Literally all of our drivers are dipshits"

Counterpoint: I punch you in the throat while you're on your second glass. Now nobody wins, smartass.

"I'll tell you a bet your will never lose"

Oh, it's even easier than that.