Big Brother loves you.

So... the iPhone's screen is the size it is because some guy you don't know personally and who has never met you dictated how you're going to use your hands, and that's how it should be and every other phone is wrong?

How about chess? Or global thermonuclear war?

Frankly, if SOPA does pass, the first thing everybody is going to do is find ways around the DNS blocking, so I guess it does actually fit with the theme, in a weird sort of way.

That stick never stood a chance against my ass of steel.

There's a line about "It only takes one 'oh shit' to erase a thousand 'atta boys'." I think W was worth a few thousand 'atta boys.

Ok, so not stupid, just five years old.

I think the basic takeaway is, "Americans make terrible decisions."

...which, by default, makes you the stupidest one of all.

This is the one I have. As you can see, it's black. Yes, it's bulky, but it's meant to be - the whole "shock resistant" thing is real. I can wind up and throw this thing into a wall as hard as I possibly can (I can only throw a baseball 55mph, but still...) and it's just fine. It also has a countdown timer, which is…

Well idunno 'bout any of you, but I quite like my G-shock.

PERMA-SHOCKER

Well there you go. Shows how much I know about diesels!

Wonder what his EGTs were at the end of that.

THAT BASTAHD

Oh trust me, I know exactly how big they are - I worked on one for many years. And what you can't see is that there are at least as many cars parked on the back half of the flight deck... and a hangar bay spanning almost the entire length of the ship down below. There are easily four times the visible number of cars…

Absorb the Rainbow.

Yeah, the USB ban came about quite a bit before Manning did... that's why he had to put all his files on a blank CD with Lady Gaga labeled on it.

As if we needed more superlatives for how goddamn huge an aircraft carrier flight deck is, you can see here that it dwarfs a Wal-Mart parking lot.

Actually not yet - its real purpose is even less mundane than that. Yes, they occasionally use it for firefighting practice, but its real purpose is to be an object to be towed and pushed. Yes, it's used to train new tow tractor drivers. They push it around the deck to practice parking it in tight spots without…