If the call button was really for emergency use solely, they’d tell you that on the flight.  It would say it.  I mean, of course someone from a flight attendant’s association would say that.  It’s less work for the people she represents. 

First Lou Gehrig, and now Lou Kemia. What’s with all these incurable baseball diseases? 

Experimental procedures wouldn’t be covered in Canada either.

“Hey Honey, I bet I can smuggle 200lbs of uncut cocaine into the USA”

No, but I'm dizzy from trying to read it, which is the point, right? 

some fault codes may need clearing...

A/C might need a re-charge.

Don’t you mean “Ran when until parked (abruptly).” 

COTD!

This deserves more stars.

COTD!!

Imagine being an adult and being mad that you didn’t get an Ezekiel Elliot autograph at a fantasy football convention.

It would have cost a lot more, but he had to take the comments along with it.

I’m sure these kids have seen enough divers the last few days.

Unless you run the twitter/are in The Lawrence Arms, you need to stop. 

Everyone’s thoughts and prayers, as useless as they may be, didn’t get in the way and waste real rescuers’ time.

Guys, we need to talk about Oppositelock. For some reason Jalop staffers aren’t allowed to mention it/discuss it on the main page. It should have died a few years ago when you cut us off from front page mentions. Yet it’s still there, and although not as busy as it has been in years past, it’s still a pretty active…

Or you could join Oppo where the rest of us talk about our projects...

“I can’t afford to pay for a $100 bus ticket every break.”

Octopii are one of the most intelligent creatures on the planet and are actually required to be put under anesthesia if a procedure is needed to be done on them, because they are believed to have an understanding of what is happening to them.  If kept in captivity, they need to be in specialized tanks because they…