I googled Charlie Sheen and during his divorce from Denise Richards, she told the court she’d walked in on Charlie watching child porn on his computer and she didn’t want the kids around him after that. I think Charlie’s insanity is fueled by his drug use and I’m pretty sure he’s who they’re talking about. Corey…

WOAH. I actually didn’t make that connection but he’s definitely considered a family man and he’s definitely an A-list international super star. Hmmmmm...

Plus her PR team is just stellar. I have to applaud whoever keeps Team Taylor chugging along.

Note to boy celebs:

There’s no way this doesn’t end with this girl having a nervous breakdown. It’s just not possible.

“My tone was totally petty but the fact that you were willing to sink to my level and be petty too makes you the immature one.” #logic

Yeah, this screams “I am an asshole to my parents, and they give me everything I want because of it... time to apply that methodology to the rest of my life!”.

This is one of those girls that will likely not last the first semester. Calling it now. I remember having a suite mate transferring out of housing after 1 week, my best friend’s roommate dropped out of school in week 2 and my sister’s 3rd roommate (it was a 4 person room) just never came back after the Thanksgiving…

She will have an even tougher time realizing that you will not always get your way in life, and when you demand things from people (that you have no right to demand things of) you just sound like an entitled cunt. People like this do not handle failure or rejection well, probably has been sheltered from it her whole…

I like that she says that she is chill and that she says she is a ticking time bomb. How does that work, again?

My favorite part is the whole “Its fine for me to talk to you this way, but rather than matching my tone you definitely should have been much nicer to me than I was to you so basically the fact that I was a bitch is your fault.” I bet she’s a ton of fun!

Condo boards and parent-teacher associations are where NIMBY helicopter parents and other sanctimonious meddlers go to indulge their autocratic fantasies.

A roach. A leak. A lawsuit. And a banana peel. All this. And more. On the next. This. American Life.

My parents fucking hated each other. As displeased as I was to have my life completely disrupted, even at 8 years old I knew they were better off apart.

It tried to be. But while Spy cut you up with a sharpened letter opener, Gawker walked around with a dull ax. Remember Spy’s blind items? They’d flirt around it but give you enough to still enjoy it. Here, it was basically, “Hey, someone told us they saw this guy do this, so here’s their name!... Journalism?”

reading Spy magazine

My only regret is that I only have one star to give.

YEP. Even if the ax-wielding criminal didn’t kill me, my parents definitely would have.

“Hey, can I borrow the car? Before you answer, remember that time I risked my life to save our livelihood and my grandfather from ax wielding robbers? Kthxbye!”

Panic attacks suck. They are the worst.