Keep some opium on hand to relieve the cramps and help avoid the desire to jump out of an upper-story window.

Just torch ‘em. You’ll recover, but they won’t.

Nevermind. Someone posted a version of my idea, and I commented before reading it.

Oxiclean (or, equivalently, hydrogen peroxide + washing soda).

When to get married instead of “living in sin”?

That may be the most pathetic thing I’ve ever read.

Parenthood makes your world very, very small.

Men—the 𝙖𝙗𝙨𝙤𝙡𝙪𝙩𝙚 best key to happiness is that procedure known as the “vasectomy”. Do it as early as possible, preferably during your teen years if you can find a willing doctor. Definitely do it before the first “accident”.

Vasectomy FTW.

Perhaps best to not try this with mushrooms.

Long pig is reliably good when you can find it.

Poke. https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Poke_(fish_salad)

My Toyota’s temperature reading is usually within a degree or two of the bank time/temperature signs when I pass them.

I like my chicken rotisseried by Costco, purchased hot and ready to eat.

Now it’s Amazon that will be getting my Whole Paycheck.

My closest IKEA is an hour away through always-nasty traffic. If it were less of a hassle to get there, I’d go every week (mostly for the food).

Some, like my neighbor’s dog and the aforementioned “45", deserve it. Anyway, I didn’t say that the subject couldn’t have hands (or equivalent).

Helen Rosner misspelled “cocoa” as “lemon juice”.

I admire your self-sacrifice, but isn’t there some much-less-sentient animal that you could stick in there with them?

It’s okay if you die at the top (or bottom). Just don’t block the stairs by dying en route.