*extremely joe rogans voice* whoa!!

thanks to the jon stewart man for his sabbatical allowing john oliver to explode onto his own weekly show #blessed

*extremely nerds voice* my hair

look homeboy i wasnt born yesterday....u comin in here acting like im one year old....

hello my name is hatch and im a arsenal fan and i am seven AND A HALF years old

i have become a massive infant babby when it comes to abv lately, scared off by anything north of the 6.5-7.0% buffer unless i really have planned my night well or it’s a new prairie farmhouse i haven’t tried yet (or shit, one i have tried already - i will take that bottle of somewhere, thanks). that being said 3.8%…

yo tho i love wambach but it is a better team these days when the offensive flow chart doesn’t just have an arrow pointing to her dome saying HERE

well i am too scared to try ranked so obv i just use that aerospray anyway .______.

i dunno about “sizable.” i finished the single player in maybe six hours, but admittedly i only did it to unlock the gear. which i only used for about an hour before getting better stuff anyway, so.

look into the taint area of ur heart...and u will discover the most magical playground

ruby redbird is Good and shiner bock Sucks. fwiw tho i am an obama-voting-and-wendy-davis-donating texan so im dumb as fuck

similar to doing two five-minute sessions instead of one ten-minute: I found myself forced to used an elliptical for months getting over a major thigh injury and began to hate it. but it definitely became more bearable when I started switching direction of my stride every five minutes, breaking it up into discrete…

he writes, he leaves. he writes again

ugh god i miss minnesota. and surly. ugh UGH. surly is fantastic and i wish i could go to their tap room like, tonight.

jet fuel cant melt kent hrbek

you could just be like me and be a hemophiliac unable to take anything but tylenol, 100% recommended

i have seen people get corrected for saying “grande” at non-starbucks places. i have never actually witnessed someone getting corrected for saying “small” at a starbucks. it seems like one of those stories that just gets passed around.

yo what is sad is that rand paul is still doing better as a father than his dad did

yeah. the NSAID designation is the reason why i can’t take ibuprofen or aspirin and have to take tylenol. but based on how often i have to explain to people why, though i’m thankful, i can’t take any of what they have in their bag/purse, it isn’t actually common knowledge that acetaminophen is the only non-NSAID of…

huh big shocker that the guy wearing an arsenal jersey to a mls game in toronto keeps up with popular dank english memes from a year ago