It's like George Lucas: He was pretty good when he had to deal with "Art from adversity", "killing his darlings", and so on. When he got his massive budgets for the Prequels is when he started to really tank. Perhaps Shyamalan operates the same way. He gets a huge budget and focuses on the spectacle rather than the…

FUN FACT! That wasn't a directive from the studio, that was artistic license: Lucasfilm sent a bunch of production photos of Mos Eisley Aliens to Marvel so they could have visual reference, but the script they were sent had no physical description of Jabba, due to the fact that Lucas hadn't figured out how to overlay…

Sure, there were some somewhat dumb things that happened, but not completely outside the realm of possibility nor were they both taken lying down: Gorman may have ordered rounds collected, but all the rest of the Marines said "Fuck That" and still were armed when the Xeno's descended on them. As for Brett going off…

I was expecting some sort of large debate against a convocation of the Engineers, fighting for the Human Race's right to still exist. Like an interstellar courtroom drama, mixed with fucked up genetic experimentation, and topped with a sprinkling of Aliens. It still has the opportunity for David to turn evil, it…

But only if the "E" cuts its hair first, and does a flute lesson with it.

I'd like to think that Noomi Rapace read a draft of the script, met with James Franco, and said, "I know we have a contract, but there's no way we should risk our careers to be in this fucking shitshow of a film. How do we get out of it?"

Which I think is stretching it a bit, seeing as David is at least 10 years out of date compared to the system onboard. I know that if I had been missing for a decade, they'd have wiped my access to even my own computer at work, much less my codes to access the entire mainframe. Though, I guess, even if you've been…

You obviously didn't look very hard, or your don't know your Alien lore.

So it's a Russian Science Voyage?

HE SAID: ON THE OTHER HAND… BOOTY.

The first two Alien movies.

Who builds a fucking metal claustrophobic coffin without a mechanical explosive bolt evacuation switch?

i'm actually starting to wonder if the third one is going to feature some time-travel shenanigans.

Not to mention that he tried to rip off Veronica Cartwright's death from the original film, and instead of making it horrible with her dying unseen over the comlink, he now just decides to show everything because, I guess, why not? Naked Olivia Thirlby, but in this case, meh.

See, now that's just disrespecting physics.

Like, the credits…?

Not to mention Scott retconning their mystery as well: those eggs in the the chamber from the first movie were supposed to have been there for thousands of years. Now David made them. So which is it, Scott?!

Were you here for November 2016? I'm pretty sure that's not a maybe.

he hires the shittiest scriptwriters for the film. I'm gonna watch this film just to see whether or not the writer behind Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters can write an even worse script than Damon Lindelof.

Did we all watch the same movie? The one with the same dumb scientists sticking their faces and hands where they don't belong, because if they actually followed quarantine and exoplanet procedures, that we'd have no story? Or the same movie where we now have something that seems to directly retcon the entirety of the…