As someone who had three kids and burned a week of vacation each time, good for Hurley. And the other guy can eat a poisoned Pop-Tart

Fuck you. The body isn’t cold

TL:DR: Magary was short of fap material and needed a new anti-Simmons piece

Sorry, I’m ok with this one staying home

That’s why I never go to games. It’s not worth it. I have been to 15-20 live sporting events at college or above level and have never felt like I got my time or money’s worth.

Judges ruling: Bernie is OK on this one. Ley gets 20 minutes of Bayless reading old Barney scripts for overreaching

Fuck those fucking hangers-on

Good thing he didn’t order you to let him sleep with your spouse, if you let him have that much control of your life

Bullshit. Max McGee played Super Bowl I hungover and is laughed about today. You know why? He caught the fucking ball.

No, now there is even MORE of a reason. You really are quite pathetic, sometimes, Trendacosta.

Oooh, an aged-up Natalie Portman is interesting...

Several options, few good:

Welcome to “Science Facts,” by Drew

He’s probably like a lot of us dudes. Wants the manly feel if chopping down a tree, but really has no idea how to safely strap the thing on the roof

My tree farm has a playground, Santa, ornament making, petting zoo and the local gourmet popcorn dude has a booth. I couldn’t get not going there past my wife and kids now no matter how many spiders.

I still say Lucas was on to something when he had Anakin slaughter the Tuskens and then not totally be guilty about it.

Every sabermetric bone is telling me the Cubs should let Fowler go. But I want him to stay!

Take a standard carpenters level, wrap it in barbed wire, douse it in cod oil, coat with pumpkin butter and fuck yourself with it.

Simmons went to journalism school, right?

Gasp! An author wants to make money! Hide the women and children!