Or as Stephen Wright said - “A cop stopped me for speeding. He said, ‘Why were you going so fast?’ I said, ‘I had my foot to the floor? It’s called an accelerator. When you push down on it, it sends more gas to the engine. The whole car just takes right off. And see this thing? This steers it.”

This worked on my boat when we were gonna get boarded by the coast guard. They approached and saw two 1 yr olds crying their heads off and said ok, have a nice day

Give Ms. McSprinkles a high five from me. Excellent work.

Between the age of 16 and 22 I was pulled over 20+ times. Only three tickets, but every single pull over I was respectful, non confrontational and polite. Most of the responses from the officers were “you seem like a nice kid, stop being a moron and think of the other people on the road.” I also never gave an answer…

My wife had my favorite, if slightly evil, way to get out of a ticket. We have twin boys who were about 18 moths old at the time. She got pulled over and reached back and pulled their pacifiers out of their mouths. Of course, they both started crying, and the officer let her go.

I got pulled over for speeding. The officer asked me why I was going so fast. I replied, “general stupidity.” She looked confused and said...what? I replied that i was speeding because I was stupid. She started laughing and said good answer. She gave me a warning.

Be polite and apologetic. That’s it. Excuses never work because if you give an excuse you’re admitting you purposely were speeding. “Sorry about that officer” has worked pretty well for me. But then again, so has being over 30 (I got a bunch of tickets in my 20's, respectful apologies or not, so it may be out of…

I’m late to the party on this but yesterday as my coworker and I were coming back to the office, we got into a round-about that has been in the area for a good decade.. Someone decided they didn’t want to wait behind the dump truck that was in front from them so they went the opposite direction of the round about and…

Oh man, that move actually has a name? That makes sense.

That’s because of the Boston left turn.

Massachusetts drivers will do that thing where they yield to left-turning oncoming traffic. It’s courteous to the point of being dangerous.

My vets knew how to drive a damn wagon. My vets didn’t go all herky jerky on the brakes.

Big deal. Al Horford has played almost the whole season with no heart

What’s really sad is that there is NEVER any mention when it comes to alcohol and gateway drug-use, even though it has been shown time and time again to be THE gateway drug. But of course, it is perfectly legal and never questioned.

I want to get inside Ellie from Brooklyn’s head. She’s got some hot existential takes - “the basis of our lives is our beliefs” and “People don’t live their lives on an ideological wavelength” - and decides, on September 12th, to call into Mike and the Mad Dog to share them.

Looks like nothing. Much worse was said on 9/12, and “questioning the loyalties of American citizens” is a pretty negative way of looking at those comments. They’re right. Our freedom and relatively open immigration policies (and not everyone in the country legally is a citizen, obviously) inevitably cause the country…

In my friend group of about 30 guys I was close with in college, 8 years out, all but two still smoke recreationally. All are employeed. Half are happily married. None have committed crimes (beyond smoking weed). All, but one (PHD candidate) are making between $60k and $250k. That is a bunch of successful people…

“It is false that marijuana use doesn’t lead people to more drug use.”

Also, IT FUCKING NEEDS WIFI TO MAKE JUICE.