HAT? WHY I REMEMBER THAT FELLOW. HAVENT SEEN HIM SINCE THE REENACTMENT OF THE BATTLE OF CHICKAMOGWAI IN AKRON-CANTON A FEW YEARS BACK. HE WAS THE ORANGE ONE WITH THE FLIBBITY THING ON THE TOP END, OR, AS WE CALLED IT BACK IN MY DAY, A 'FLIBBITY THING ON THE TOP ENDER'. GOOD MAN HAT. IFN YOU SEE HIM, TELL HIM HE STILL…

YOU CALL THAT A HAT? I DONT KNOW THIS HEIFENBURG FELLOW PERSONALLY BUT ID LIKE TO GIVE HIM A PIECE OF MY MIND. YOU SEE BACK IN MY DAY WE KNEW HOW TO WEAR HATS. I REMEMBER ONE DAY I SAW WARREN G HARDING WEARING A CHAPEAU GEEWILLIKERS THAT WAS A SIGHT TO SEE. HE THOUGHT HE WAS A BIG MAN, THE REAL BEES KNEES SO I WALKED…

NO MADGE, I WILL NOT HAVE ANY MORE PUDDING. THATS WHAT I SAW WHEN THEY PUT TOO MUCH PUDDING IN THE CUP. YOUVE GOT TO LEAVE ROOM FOR THE WHIPPED CREAM. NOW I COULD TELL YOU A GOOD STORY ABOUT WHIPPED CREAM, BUT I DONT WANT YOU WHIPPERSNAPPERS STAYING UP PAST YOUR BED TIME. YOU SEE, BACK IN MY DAY . . .

GOOSEBRIMPS YOU SAY? WELL ANY DOCTOR WORTH HIS SALT CAN GIVE YOU A SALVE FOR THAT - JUST RUB IT ON THE RASH THREE TIMES ADAY AND YOULL BE BACK ON YOUR FEET IN A JIFFY. IN MY DAY OF COURSE WE DIDNT HAVE ALL THESE PILLS AND THE POWDERS. WHY YOU KIDS TODAY DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO CHEW STINGING NETTLES AND PINE CONES…