New Zen mantra: Be More Keanu.

“Give him a chance!!” she screamed one final time, just before her rights to speak were taken.

WHAT??? That was like a Shamalamanam surprise twist right there. Damn, he was Keanu all along.

They also had a baby who was stillborn. Damn I’m getting all chocked up. That’s some painful stuff for one person to go through.

I had a boss who’s brother looks a little bit like Keanu Reeves. He went to a bar and sat next to someone who looked like Keanu Reeves. Made about comment about which one looked more like Keanu Reeves. Bar Keanu Reeves said that Brother Keanu Reeves did. Bar Keanu Reeves was Keanu Reeves.

BUT I HAVE THE RIGHT TO PROTEST! IT IS GUARANTEED UNDER THE CONSTITUTION THAT MY ANCESTORS FOUGHT AND DIED TO SECEDE FROM!

I met Keanu at a music venue back in the 90's when he was touring with Dogstar. He was extremely nice and friendly. He is very down to earth and kind of shy and quite passive. He would just stand there and I would have to ask him if he needed anything. He wanted to know if there was anywhere nearby to buy a nice…

I keep thinking that this WHOLE THING is cut from whole cloth out of a King novel. Especially the Trumpeters, they are such King characters.

Apparently, she gave birth to a stillborn baby and then died a few months later....very sad.

I remember reading something about his pregnant girlfriend (or fiance?) dying in a car accident back in the 90's. 

I’ve wondered this as well. I live in upstate NY, you know, a true confederate heritage area. Often, my wife and I will see the confederate flag on trucks (why always pickups?), and each time we look at each other and say “Oh look! A racist!!”

I imagine all of this to be true except for the part where she has friends who do yoga with her. She probably thinks yoga is some kind of witchcraft and no way other humans want to be her friend.

The Confederate Flag: Because why let people just think you’re a racist?

Lol, I think even Lis

This is legit the funniest post I’ve seen in months. The only way it could be made better is if you had a tinier version of her coming out of her mouth.

Also, the female version of Ann Coulter.

It all makes sense now. You just can’t properly clean a slanket with sex fluids.

No, the funket is the old slanket that never got washed. Slankets get regular contact with soap and water.

I don’t know about those stereotypes but I’m Puerto Rican so I carry a switchblade and jazz dance fight.

This never gets old.