This is a football school. They all lie about degrees.

The Bonaville is usually a reliable mode of transport.

Bills fans all across western NY are thanking the Jets this morning for liberating us from this idiot.

MY PEOPLE!!!!

Stay to the right (at least in most places). When in the grocery, on a sidewalk, in the hallway stay to the right and be aware of other people walking in the opposite direction.

I'm an accent chameleon. Put me in another region for a few months, and I will start to sound like I'm from there. I do it subconsciously, and start to mimic the language patterns I hear every day. My Northeastern relatives tell me I've totally lost my Northeastern accent, and it makes me kind of sad.

fuck you die. he was 27 years old.

False!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH…

I would like to add:

Everything you've said is correct Albert, except one: do not beat the shit out of your pancake batter. Instead mix it just until all of the big lumps are gone, but you still have some small ones. You don't want smooth batter, you want slightly lumpy batter. Just like gravy, lumps are better.

Speller No. 38, Jacob Williamson. Because after reading his biography, I'm pretty sure he is a Deadspin commenter.

Or mayonnaise...YES I SAID IT!

"Like any other plant, mold has roots and branches—and they travel deep."