Goddamn it. I’ve been taking codeine pills. WHERE DOES ONE GET THIS ‘LEAN’?!

I need for you to get back together with that asshole.

Classic.

OMG GRANDMA SARACEN.

WHAT ABOUT THIS REUNION

That’s about enough out of you, Miss Wasser, or we are calling the Bar. Not the bar your client is even now being removed from, damn it, the other...the hell with it.

I find it strange that Johnny Depp is sober enough to create a burner.

Um, Ms. Wasser? Don’t you have some legal precedents you should be researching or something?

SAM BEE WITH THE KNOCKOUT.

When Dorinda said, “I want to burn my house down” I nearly peed my pants. She’s my favorite.

I will say that normally the Countess has great style. I'd buy that top to pair with dressy pants and some chandelier earrings for a party but the lace jumpsuit was HEINOUS.

Bethenny has lost me completely. She has become screechy and humorless, and I am so sick of her self-righteous rants that I actually found myself yelling, “shut the fuck up already” at my TV last night. As for Carole, she has become the human embodiment of Eeyore cloaked in an array of Forever XXI sweaters.

So uh the truth is way less funny you guys. It says:

Are you under the impression that if you hit someone in one relationship, a force field goes up around you and no one in any other of your relationships will ever be able to hit you?

Hey, those thermos’ ain't cheap.

Except that the average speed (unless you’re a local in a minitruck) is like 15mph. I would believe a head on collision with an oncoming car due to lack of visibility, but losing control? I’m not buying it.

So both of these twins were the evil one?

I will never understand how people think they work. You put a bunch of hormonal teens together and eliminate the guesswork of figuring out if the other person is gay too. Wouldn't there just be tons of crushes and illicit making out, just like at any other camp?

Brock Turner’s dad wants to know how many minutes the stabbing took before he decides whether the sentencing is fair or not.

My neighbor’s a cop, and she once popped the lock of my friend’s car when she locked her keys in, no problem. I’m guessing it was some department rule about long-distance calls that the cops weren’t willing to bend, which is ridiculous on the best day and ended up resulting in tragedy.