So uh the truth is way less funny you guys. It says:

Are you under the impression that if you hit someone in one relationship, a force field goes up around you and no one in any other of your relationships will ever be able to hit you?

Hey, those thermos’ ain't cheap.

Except that the average speed (unless you’re a local in a minitruck) is like 15mph. I would believe a head on collision with an oncoming car due to lack of visibility, but losing control? I’m not buying it.

So both of these twins were the evil one?

I will never understand how people think they work. You put a bunch of hormonal teens together and eliminate the guesswork of figuring out if the other person is gay too. Wouldn't there just be tons of crushes and illicit making out, just like at any other camp?

So I agree that it’s bullshit to have mugshots shown for some people and not for others. But for rape, I kind of wish all of the photos were of the smiling, yearbook type. There’s this perception that rapists are different - not your neighbor or your boyfriend or your brother. But they are. And the more we see that a…

Brock Turner’s dad wants to know how many minutes the stabbing took before he decides whether the sentencing is fair or not.

About two decades ago I was in a restaurant in Santa Monica and in walked Richard Simmons. He table hopped and talked to everyone (me included, he told me how handsome I was!) and finally he sat down. People in LA are a little jaded around celebrities, they do actually have to leave the house so you see them around…

“the screenshot that has been distributed is not real, but was put out by a “disgruntled former associate that retained Ms. Morgan’s social media passwords”

You know who loves Tipsy Girl Prosecco? Nigerian football teams, that’s who.

I hate to break it to you, but this mess is really all your daddy’s fault.

It was okay until he started complaining how there just isn’t enough rape on tv today. Damn women and feminists ruining everything again!

“I got murdered. Please send help.”

Not wanting to take action until they determined the account was hacked is something I can get behind. However, seeing whereas this was a picture of a person with their throat cut open POSTED ON THEIR OWN PAGE I’m going to go out on a limb and assume they didn’t post the picture themselves and say that maybe it should…

According to the New York Daily News article: “The social network initially declined to take the photo down because it believed the graphic image was posted as a call for help from the victim, not the killer.

Maybe that’s his half of the pact, and it’s just a more circuitous route to completion. “I’ll stab you to death, get the chair in 15 years and buy the first round in the afterlife.” “Ok” I mean, I doubt it but who knows. He looks like Tom Hardy auditioning for an Orson Wells bio pic.

I'm glad they checked the facts behind this photo! Otherwise they may have taken down a perfectly legitimate image of a bleeding, murdered nude woman.

Fucking bullshit facebook. Get your shit together.

My neighbor’s a cop, and she once popped the lock of my friend’s car when she locked her keys in, no problem. I’m guessing it was some department rule about long-distance calls that the cops weren’t willing to bend, which is ridiculous on the best day and ended up resulting in tragedy.