Not having kids because you don't think you want them is not selfish. Having kids you don't want because you feel like you "should" IS selfish.

Absolutely! I don't necessarily think their feelings make them bad parents. What I disapprove of is their decision to publicize those sentiments under their own names. I don't harshly judge them for their feelings, only the means by which they chose to deal with it. Though it may be helpful to other women, it…

Hear, hear. No one held these women at gunpoint and forced them to bear their children. Especially the one who was apathetic towards her son and then went on to have ANOTHER child! I'm a mother to an almost-4-year-old son, and it's hard as hell. It's exhausting and frustrating and so much more difficult than I ever…

Thank you! I would be all for Dutton's and Hsu's articles if they'd published them anonymously. It's great to let mothers who feel that way know they're not alone, and they might be good cautionary tales for women who feel pressured into having kids and get convinced - by society and by everyone around them - that…

Don't give in and have kids just because your husband wants kids. Offer him a divorce so he can find someone who does want kids. You should have worked that out before you married.

I think the issue is that the discussion itself is very public. Yes, it may help others who have similar feelings, but it does so at the expense of innocent people. That doesn't speak to the writer's bravery, but their cruelty.

I'm fine with people talking about it - but I think they should do it anonymously, to protect their children. I think the sentiments they express are important and valid. My beef is the means by which they did it.

This would be one of those mom sacrifices. You don't write and publish essays for the world to read cuz FEELINGS. You go to therapy, find a private group of like minded women, talk to your spouse. You don't get to emotionally fuck up your kids cuz FEELINGS.

That's all I could think while reading this post. Obviously these women can feel however they want about their own experiences as mothers but publishing these feelings in a public forum does not make them "conscientious and caring parent[s]" as stated above.

That's what I came here to say. My mom was a terrible mother who wanted four children; my dad wanted no children. For the majority of my life, he treated me the same way he treated house cats: taking care of my basic need and occassionally clucking and saying "isn't she adorable?" when I did something cute. I was not…

I totally understand where you're coming from. However, my mother used to tell me the same things, like she would have more money without me, and that me getting sick was an inconvenience to her and that she had to leave her job to have me and had to "start all over again." These are completely legitimate…

Doubling down on one's misery - never a wise idea.

I'd feel sympathy for a woman who was forced into motherhood against her will or by lack of options, but the woman saying she never wanted to be a mother then had a son anyway, had no feelings for him, and then had a daughter? I'm sorry, she's just an asshole.

That's the thing - I think its important to normalize these kinds of feelings to an extent, because shame never helped anyone. But its also important to protect those who did nothing to deserve any of this besides being born.

Agreed. But I think there are two different types described in the article. A mother who loves her baby and simply doesn't like the tasks of being a mom isn't that bad. But a mother who doesn't feel affection is a huge problem. It doesn't matter that she takes care of her baby, if there's no affection the baby doesn't…

That was my first thought as well. No one wants to be referred to as the biggest mistake of someone's life, especially if the person saying it is their parent. The pain that causes, pain that people like you and I have experienced firsthand, cuts incredibly deep.

I understand why people would feel like they couldn't talk about this. If we're being honest about feelings here, I honestly felt no sympathy for the women above. To be honest, I saved all my sympathy for their children.

So anything's okay as long as its voluntary? Not so sure that's the best message for kids. Trying to balance the accelerated sexualization of children with notions of the value of discretion and self-restraint can be trying for parents, I think that's what she is saying.

YESSSS. There needs to be huge campaign about teaching sons about this crap. There's all these campaigns targeted towards young girls as if the onus is on them to stay confident while men do whatever shitty thing they do. Cause men don't change, right? False! I'd really love to see mass campaign on educating boys,…

I mean, I know that society is patriarchal and women are expected to be sexy and sexually available no matter what we do in society, but I guess now I need to explain that to my sons?