Almost as gross as the floor at Summit. Gag.

Ohhh one-eyed Jakes. All those bars in the ped mall are trouble.

Oh no! I just did a google and found out Jake’s is closed! Now I’m sad.

How did I know this had something to do with the Column? Home base of bad decisions. That and One Eyed Jake’s.

Oh God. I bet when 911 operators in Iowa City hear “Sports Column” they shudder.

Margaret Atwood was on point when she said,

Fuck the second amendment. We don’t live in that era anymore. We’re capable of change as a nation. Slavery was protected in the original constitution and its amendments and articles, and we changed for that - we can and should change this too.

I can’t imagine what the friends and family of all those wounded and killed are going through today. I can’t begin to comprehend what his mother is going through today. Thoughts and prayers for everyone effected by this.

If I had the chance to ask one question during a republican debate, I would ask how a party that is so “pro-life” can just write off the people who are being shot every day as collateral damage, that their deaths are simply the price we have to pay for living in this county. Is this really what our founding fathers…

Is Kendall the only one without fillers and surgery at this point? Because she is like, stunning, in a completely uncontrived way that juxtaposes Kylie’s face in a really unflattering way.

I’m pregnant, I drink with dinner, eat lunch meat, drink coffee and GASP! Don’t need anyone’s advice, because I have educated myself on the risks. Thank yoooou.

Whatever went on, Zolciak’s back to being a fully-functioning human.

My husband had a stroke and we learned it is so important to get to the hospital quickly if you have any neurological symptoms at all. He woke up in the middle of the night and his left arm was asleep and he assumed he slept on it wrong. But then he realized the left side of his face felt numb, even his tongue. He…

No.

You can take my croutons FROM MY COLD DEAD HANDS.

He comes across as the same one here.

But what about Deez Nuts? PEOPLE DEMAND TO KNOW.

I live in Portland, and I walk to wherever I go when I can’t bike. I spend most of my time avoiding poop of one variety or another. There is no one Portland Pooper. They are Legion.

I’m 35, but because I was prematurely old, I never liked lol and was an early adopter of haha. SO apparently my grumpy, get off my lawn younger self was actually the hip one.

Devils Dill is the bees knees. We're more of a fancy wine and cheese spot that also has some sandos.