That’s exactly what someone impersonating his twin brother on an NBA playoff team would say.

Barcos

wow. someone’s in the pocket of big danish.

In case of Splash Brother landing, your interviewer’s cushiony next question can be used as a floatation device.

I know that look. Perhaps if he had double checked that he turned off the toaster before he left the house, it wouldn’t have snuck up on him like that.

Don’t you mean “conference finals window”?

Finally, somebody said it. Nobody cares about your struggles. Maybe don’t live in the antarctic.

Well, yeah. Hit the gym and practice your god damn free throws.

Hahahaha.

Umm, Tony Parker and Manu have been there since the early 2000s. I’m not sure they “built” a team of elders. More like “if you have a team of humans, eventually they’ll get older.” You must be thinking of the Lakers team that had Malone and Payton on it or something.

BAH GAWD THAT’S—THAT’S PATTY MILLS’S MUSIC!!

And take the spot of any one of thousands of recent high school and college players more deserving than he is. Don’t forget that in your little “poor Timmy, victim of mean old Deadspin” lamentation.

How were his 2 home run trots this series different than any Ortiz took in the last 5 years of his career?

Baylor is probably looking at this as a positive as it takes the spotlight away from their rape culture.

I will never understand how we haven’t nuked Baylor yet.

The problem with a “Christian mission” is its first cousin, “manifest destiny.”

Police had initially claimed that Oliver fired on the car because it was aggressively backing up, but footage showed that it was actually driving away.

No, it means he’s calling him a whore. I don’t know Stephen Colbert on a personal level, but I am 100% sure he’s not homophobic. Cool attempt to gin up controversy though.