“In lieu of a commemorative statue, the San Antonio Spurs are happy to announce that Tim will simply stand outside the arena at all times, stoically contemplating the horizon.”

It’s crazy, it seems like the jokes will never let up. But please, you got to keep your head up

To borrow from Shaq, this news is horri-awful. RIP, Craig.

Recline away. That bump you feel in the middle of your back? That’s my knees. No, I don’t plan on moving them. Enjoy.

“See this is why can’t let women around Italians.” - better advice

I loved this moment. I hope that he keeps growing as a player and gets some of that NY swagger. I want him to dunk on people and just stare through their souls like they don’t belong on the court with him. I want him to be a mix of Anthony Mason/Charles Oakley and let people know that the court is his territory and if…

“If he dies, he dies.” - Porzingis post-game press conference

Wait, hold up, lets back track here...

Damn, he and Paperboy just can’t get along at these sporting events

This will not get the credit it deserves.

How coincidental, Triple H will be our bond rating after the Trump Presidency.

You make a valid point, Horsemeat Avenger.

Kind of a low ranking for the Fridge. At a minimum, I’m sure he’s well versed in EnergySTAR certification, which has to count for something at DOE.

Perrys Who Should Run the Department of Energy, Ranked

Think about it this way. If you wanted to absolutely not build functional nukes (or anything else), then Rick’s a pretty decent choice.

You’re right, I had the wrong info. I’ve corrected it in the piece.

Tony Romo’s collarbone isn’t real, though.

I’d gloat, but the Giants are one game from having a QB controversy after the frustrated defense takes turns beating Eli with socks full of soap bars.

I love this team. Very psyched for them to get crushed in the conference finals!

I also met A-Rod in Boston at the gym across from Fenway where the opposing teams will go work out since Fenway is a piece of crap without actual facilities. He couldn’t have been nicer. Chatted with me for a good ten minutes and was very chill.