“I can assure you that the Patriots have the best, most luxurious offense planned for next week. It’s gonna make your head spin it’s so good.”

It’s almost like being as terrible as possible on purpose is a bad idea. Who knew!

Ugh, and right as the process was getting this team back on track, they won a game 4 games ago but I guess everyone’s already forgotten about that.

Congratulations, you have earned 100 dillars from Deadspon.

but it’s hard to feel too bad for a guy who’s never shown any interest in giving his own fans (or anyone else’s) even a half-decent team to watch.

That ref is a damn national hero, even if he is Canadian. (I dunno, is he?)

It’s not like he had anything else keeping him busy in October.

yeah you definitely don’t want a closer known for choking.

Karl-Anthony Towns wasn’t yet born when Garnett made his NBA debut. Blake Griffin was six.

Stick around for Towns’ reaction, it’s the best.

I know comparing players across eras is kind of a hot take...but fucking PRIME Kevin Garnett would have absolutely eaten Blake Griffen alive.

Holy shit! KG just stole Blake Griffin’s New 2016 Kia Soul!

Holy shits

I’m surprised Browner’s comments weren’t flagged.

Ehhh....

I think you’re an asshole, your coach is an idiot and your owner looks like Wario.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about whether or not there are Muslim athletes, he just wants to hear himself talk.

Nail Yakupov and Nazem Kadri: two hockey Muslims.

FUN FACT: Due to religious-based dietary restrictrions, none of these athletes can eat Donald Trump.

The unwritten rules of baseball say this should be settled on the field by Harper waiting until Papelbon is on the mound, then nailing him in the back with a beanball from the outfield.