“I said, did you do it? And he said no, I did not. Absolutely not. I then asked him a second time in a totally different way. He said absolutely not.”

Donald Trump Jr: “Well, sure, I robbed the bank, but it turned out it wasn’t payroll day, so it wasn’t even worth taking the money. Such a nothing.”

Police: “Freeze!”

Today I felt like I breathed fresh air for the first time in nine months. My heart is soaring. I’m gonna get so blackout drunk when these fuckers are finally all indicted, it will probably put me in the hospital.

Who among us hasn’t met with a Russian lobbyist offering dirt on our father’s political opponent as a pretext to talk about sanctions, forgotten to talk about the dirt, and then lied about it for months?

This is absolute bullshit. I have THREE rescues, including a 100+lb Maremmano that had HALF OF HIS TEETH KNOCKED OUT WITH A GODDAMN BASEBALL BAT when he was a year old - beaten DAILY by a drunken owner. He was a bit difficult at first (duh) and we had to gently throw something at him to wake him up out of a sound…

The fact that no one booked hotel rooms is AMAZING to me. Like what a perfect representation of how awful this government is.

Meanwhile, there are huge protests happening throughout the city right now. So big, in fact, that the Independent is reporting Melania Trump is trapped in her hotel room (or, Senate guest house room)

How come women can’t go sleeveless when Paul Ryan is allowed to go spineless?

He couldn’t find a limo the size of a grain silo that was parked right in front of him, so I’m guessing reading Post It notes about our most formidable enemy is probably not going to make him an expert on Russia.

Putin will bring menstruating women with him into a meeting to scare Trump.

November 8, 2016. It was a Tuesday.

Honestly, his approval rating was already like 15%, so at this point I imagine he’s 100% at “fuck it” because I can’t imagine that last 15% is really going to be swayed by anything he does.

He’s term limited out of office this December. All of his antics are still cheaper than trying to do a recall and hold a special election (NJ remembers how much extra special elections cost after Christie insisted on having one for himself because he was too much of a coward to be on the same ballot as the Senate race…

I really thought this was an Onion quote when I first heard it. Then I realized it was real life and crawled back into bed.

Christie is going to be out the door at the next gubernatorial election anyways, and his political career is more or less over. He probably figures he might as well enjoy the perks while he can (and that is an incredibly sweet perk, having an entire Jersey beach to yourself - or an entire beach in general).

I’m to the point where the only thing I found surprising about this is that he’s figured out how to embed a video in a tweet.

This Independence weekend is lit.

Annnnd....I wish you didn’t.