You’re a monster. Wanna hang out?

How did this man not possess the forearm strength to lift himself out of this predictament.

I feel the power of latent semen flowing through me! I need to tidy up something. Something greasy. A machine? A Machine!

Silly me! It must be because my lady parts are pulling all the blood from my brain again.

I haven’t had sex in ages. Where are all my opinions coming from?!? #inquiringminds

Bless his heart. Must be so hard to go through life with a brain that small.

I swear I wake up every morning waiting for the final domino to fall in this atrocious presidency. Then I call my senators (who don’t answer of course) sign 25 petitions that feel totally futile, and refresh my web pages incessantly until it’s time to drink myself into a stupor, fall asleep and do it all again the…

No. Unless Paul Ryan does something about it, we’re watching the implosion of American democracy.

Remember when Clinton got impeached over a blowjob? Who wants to bet the GOP will refuse to investigate this.

The same people who knew that healthcare could be so complicated?

OK. KKKeebler Elf is the best! I’m borrowing it, OK?

It’s not a lie when it comes out of a white man’s mouth, you see. We’re just too dumb to understand what the question *really* was. But Sessions knew what the question really was, so he wasn’t lying when he answered.

The monkey could point to his ass, display its own to show where an ass would appear on primates or grab his causing Director Comey to yell, “Stop messing with my ass— oh wait, I found my ass!”

Starred for KKKeebler elf.

I, uh, understand the map and the flashlight; the monkey intrigues me.

When I first read this, I thought, “Oh God, I hope the FBI investigates and brings this Keebler-looking motherfucker down,” but then I remembered the FBI is run by a man who couldn’t find his own ass with a monkey, a map, and a flashlight... Where’s the whiskey?

Yes, but it’s okay because he is a Republican.

WOW. How deep does the Russia GOP connection go? The future doesn’t look too bright for the KKKeebler elf.

So our AG committed perjury during his appointment hearing?