OR, here is how not to call someone, which I swear constitutes 90% of the dwindling number of actual phone calls I get:

It was clear all along. A 9/11 survivor would never agree to represent a place that claims to traffic fiery wings.

“Oh, okay, sure honey I won’t pack your lunch tomorrow so you can eat at Chipotle WITH THAT WHORE MARISSA FROM ACCOUNTING! THAT’S WHO YOU’RE FUCKING ISN’T IT?”

Wow. I must be lucky. This happened to me and the very first time I was like, “Hey, thanks for that sandwich. Can you do me a favor and just put a little less mustard on next time.” Her response: Sure thing. Sandwiches continued with proper mustard applied.

False. The immediate follow up will be:
“Oh, do I put too much mustard on your sandwiches?”

You’re wrong. Pitch the lunch & go to Chipotle and don’t say a word. Successful relationships are built on white lies and extra queso.