Me too. When he won on the cooking show it was like we all won on the cooking show.

This is the best Kinja has to offer.

Official statement by Ryan Lochte:

I don’t know you but I’m fairly confident that you’re better than Ryan Lochte at literally everything except swimming and being hot women’s exceedingly regrettable life decision. So buck up.

Lochte’s agent: we have a call from the secret service calling about Brazil:

I mean, there's still time.

Wait for it.

The only thing missing from this is a coke deal gone wrong.

Here we go again:

There’s a level on which my favorite part of this is the official press release containing the sentence “We are not screwing around, Philly.”

I know that when I’m hiring someone for my own company, my first inquiry is not “are you competant? Are you qualified?” Instead it’s “are you interesting??”

“Probably just a faulty GPS.” - Michael Scott

Who’s down with JPP? Every last EMT!

I’m just not sure I believe anything after “he agreed we could tie him with rope and beat him” because.. What?

I’m not ignoring that James left, I’m saying that his decision to come back is inextricably linked to having been drafted by the Cavs in the first place.

This is a dumb thing that Deadspin has tried to make into a running gag, and it’s just not working because they’ve taken the exactly incorrect stance. It would be like trying to do a pro-Cardinals or pro-Cincinnati chili gag.

I don’t know. A lot of this reads like what got written in places like LA and Toronto about Moneyball after DePodesta and Ricciardi got fired. The strategy is a bad one because it failed and so on.

I lived a half hour from this border until I turned 15. I guarantee you there are some die hard Muslims who will fast no matter what. My 90 year old, diabetic grandmother insists on fasting to her own detriment, despite pleading from all her relatives to just fucking eat something. So I do know whereof I speak.

Considering the larger party alternatives, I will applaud anyone who votes for Stein

h/t to ElephanTitus Andronicus for the idea