To: Baseball Writers’ Association of America

You must really hate Hank Aaron, Willie Mays and all the amphetamine poppers then.

What about all the guys who took greenies? Stole signs? Doctored the ball? Corked their bats (even though it doesn't help)?

As did about half of Major League baseball from the 1960s onward. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to go snort a couple of lines of cocaine with Will Stargell.

What man hasn’t reacted with shock the first time he drills himself in the face while tossing the helmet?

“Fine, Chip. We’ll make sure it’s a White Christmas.”

WHO THE FUCK WAS TALKING ABOUT THE PATRIOTS

Stanford marketing major?

Jalopnik truthers are the fucking worst.

See, but here’s the thing that gets me (and I’ll do my best to convey it in words but I don’t know if I’ll succeed).

A video of Manziel drinking a _____ and rapping to ____ surfaced on the social media app _____.

A 20+ ton vehicle...what’s that, like a couple hundred pounds?

okay thanks for stopping by

“the dab is dead. It has been dead for a month. These are zombie dabs”

GODDAMN

All due respect to Tom, this is a way more informed and balanced assessment of the Mets’ offseason thus far. Walker is an upgrade at 2B (and there was nowhere to put Niese in this rotation long term anyway), Colon can eat innings as a starter or a reliever, and Cabrera frees Flores up to spell Wright at 3B when he…

This is a bit disingenuous. de Aza right now is their fourth biggest move of the offseason, behind the signing of Asdrubel Cabrera, the trade for Neil Walker and the resigning of Colon. Also, Murphy is not a very good baseball player all told (Walker is certainly better than he is, and even that only became the move…