“You know what? Act like you’ve birthdayed before, ok?” Kindergartners these days... bunch of Cam Newtons.

hey, let’s not go disparaging Mother Goose

I’ve tried this for years and it doesn’t seem to be going so well.

You gotta nuke somethin.

FYI....

Maybe the secret is good dialog choices hidden somewhere in the game.

...nah...

Simple solution: turn to one of your most prominent citizens for electricity.

A friend emailed me this about a week ago

Yes, terrible muggers. That’s not how you choose targets, either. The best mugging targets are families rich-looking couples with children are usually the best. You want to corner them on the way home from the theater or the opera, because they’ll be distracted and dressed up. You definitely want to take any jewelry…

“THE CHURCH IS COMING FROM INSIDE THE HOUSE”

Trust, the tax authorities would crush any scam like that pretty damn quick. I wanna rob you, lady, I’ll stick to charging seven fifty for a Coke that’s half ice.

Say what you will about the pizza mugger, at least he was straightforward about taking money out of the driver’s pocket. He didn't come up with bullshit reasons to not leave a tip, he didn't put a waiter through an hour of hell and leave a buck, he didn't come in with a complex plan to scam free food that he used…

Are you seriously comparing deflated footballs to throwing a women onto a couch covered in guns?

I apologize for calling her “Tits McGhee”. No one should ever be called “Tits McGhee”. If ever there was a name not to call a girl like Jessica, it would be “Tits McGhee”.

These are the precious moments they’ll never remember

The "lady" in the last story sounds like a real half-wheat...