“I don’t understand what happened! I just was chilling on the couch eating Gummi Bears all night!”

Just for clarification, this was a WHITE football player.

Tom Glavine. Greg Maddux at least had the courtesy to shorten baseball games with his workmanlike efficiency. John Smoltz could throw serious heat. Glavine was easily the most milquetoast great pitcher on the most milquetoast great staff during the most milquetoast run of dominance for the most milquetoast franchise…

One of the best articles I’ve ever read on Deadspin.

Oh hellllllll no, he’s grown accustomed to this level of attention now. You think he’s going to just hand back his spotlight?

GRITTY NO!!

Passed a kidney stone and can confirm. Man pain makes you mad/frustrated, not cry.

People are missing the point.

Ugh, no way I could make it through “all”. I was nauseated after two pages or so.  Holy fuck people are dumb.

Pelee Island, Ontario - 41.7 degrees latitude
Crescent City, California - 41.7 degrees latitude

+2:

I swear to fuck that while watching football this weekend (I’m in Canada, not sure if the CBS channel was from Michigan or Upstate NY, I just moved), I saw an election ad for a Republican candidate attacking their Democratic opponent for not supporting Medicare.

I believe the correct term is “International Jewiness”

Nobody would argue that the United States’ air quality is worse, on the whole, than China’s

The cheerleaders were trying to hug him and he went for the bench!?!?!

It’s obviously a stock XL shirt of whatever company was promoting the contest that they made him wear. It says “Big Shot Jackpot” on the back FFS.

I was about to declare this the best Deadspin headline ever, then I realized it was on A/V Club, so it makes way more sense.

You sir, sound like a smart and rational individual, which has no place on Kinja.

Don’t forget the fish oil!

Breaking News! Video uncovered of the car being abandoned in the river: