I searched “below average” and got a nice selfie.

Nope. You correctly converted meters to kilometers, but neglected to multiply the width (60,000 km) by the length (60,000 km) to get the correct surface area (3.6 billion square kilometers).

You also incorrectly converted square miles to square kilometers. There are approximately 1.609 kilometers in a mile, but 1.609²=…

Is reading comprehension that bad these days?

...60 million meters BY 60 million meters...not 60 million meters squared. It’s actually 3.6 quadrillion meters or 3.6 billion square kilometers.

If that Chinese swimmer was a phenom 4 years ago, won a lot in the interim, and was subject to USADA testing, then no...probably not. Also, how much of a doping fuss has the American media made about Usain Bolt? He consistently bests our guys (some of which have been popped) in a sport we care about and he’s still…

If anything Mitch should be described as Corey’s husband, since the Bears don’t do anything worthwhile these days.

Better yet. A tv show cop drama where he rescues a bird, and it becomes his partner. Officers Griesemer and Pelican are...

Instead of editing the scenes out they could just use suggestive visuals, like so:

So since divide by 2 and add 7 kind of breaks down when you reach this calcified muppet’s age, I propose a secondary check: Are you older than her mother.

Canada’s national Pokémon, the majestic Bidoof

We need to build a wall and make Nintendo pay for it.

My concern... either they had some incredible phone plan that didn’t have roaming charges for data, or their company started charging them five bucks per second of internet without a warning!

I’m pregnant right now, and I’m furiously trying to ban Disney and offensive Looney Tunes characters from my household. My mom, of course, tells me to lighten up, and I need to cut my MIL some slack on her unintentional gendered and racist crap.

I dunno, give it six months.

Father? Is that you?

this is perfection.

Let’s play a fun little game called “Spot the Liberal!”

Driving of the Golden Spike at Promontory Summit, Utah. I was but a lad sweeping my father’s general goods store in Grand Island, Neb., where Western Union rented an office in the back, and I remember the excited clacking as the news came through and the whooping and hollering of the wireman. Glory be hallelujah.

So Ben Roethlisberger didn’t explicitly say no, and Donald Trump took that as a yes? Interesting…