That guy looks like Malcolm McDowell and Steve-O’s love child subbing in at Fox for Tucker Carlson.

Fun fact: Doug is the brother of Fox and Friends’ Steve Doocy (after multiple failures throughout elementary school, the family decided spelling was a government conspiracy).

LAPD might do a sign and trade...

The Shaq drove his Cadillac...

*in one hand holds up a beatbox playing Richard Marx’s “Right Here Waiting,” in the other a placard for the 2019 NBA Draft* — Javale McGee.

The time it takes before they introduce themselves is days, months, years longer than in other regions of the country. While still being friendly, mind you. It’s like they’re sharing their social security number or something.

Good thing you don’t have it, then.

I’m a transplant in New England, and while constantly amazed at the coldness and general emotional retardation of the good citizens here (not signaling on the highway, revealing their first name, etc.) there is always some comic relief that helps stave off the depression.
For example, watching Irish alcoholic dads…

And when you’re this bigoted, they call you cracker, Jack.

Tonight’s SOTU, in contrast, will be wrecked by the appearance of Brown Strawmen.

fansplaining.

Only civilization-menacing superintelligent AI, not the AI oversight that might, say, look into the training of Tesla autonomous vehicles.

A PR gambit, arguably worse than other AI critics having more attention.

Sorry, Kentucky, we don’t even care when your high school kids are mowed down by a gun, you think a Pong-grained video of a dunk will break our attentional carapace?

THAT’S HOW MAD THEY ARE

We see you Wildkits, making the other team look straight across at a Special Olympics sign all game.

XFL, for when you want the crackers to have their N—-s Won’t Kneel League but the NWK sounds kinda clunky.

You know what, you are actually...correct.

You think that podium glued itself together?

“Raise the ball out in front of your chin, exactly where a defender can block it, and then just kind of seizure it up toward the rim.”
I have to say, it’s a testament to his athletic ability that he makes the ones he does in this clip. He makes Michael J. Fox in Teen Wolf look like Jerry West. In fact....nahhh I’m not…

This guy is probably a monster too, but all I can imagine is him walking up to each gymnast and saying, “Make it work.”