From what I’ve seen of most younger millennials, they should worry about peaking at all.

We are your family now, brother.

The gift that keeps on giving. I keep it on my ipad amongst photos of my family. If my wife ever scrolls my photos, she’s going wonder what the fuck is up.

One of my best friends in the whole world just found InforWars.com, and thinks he knows the ‘truth’ about ‘everything’ now. So when Hillary gets in she’s going to take all the guns and declare martial law. Which apparently Obama didn’t have time to get to in his 8 years, since that was what he was going to do.

John Kasich is that guy one step above you on the corporate ladder who seems like a good mentor so you go out for drinks with him one day after work and he lays out his theory on ‘the blacks’ until you pretend your wife just called with a baby emergency.

This is a hobby horse of mine. That reputation - of not being a competent president - is almost entirely propaganda nonsense generated by Lost Causers-people sympathetic and supportive of the Confederacy who have spent every second since Appomattox clouding the reasons for the war and slandering everyone in the North.

Kasich is like that guy at work who seems like a reasonable human being when you meet him, but then later you find out he’s some weird masochism fetishist who likes being stung in the balls by jellyfish.

Burneko: Get fucked, John Kasich.

Once again, a black man discovers the Blues, but it’s white guys who make money off them.

I can tell you this, nobody has forced anything down my throat—EVER; & since I don’t participate inna any ACA/”O’BamaCare” that is doubly true.

Honestly, you should get points if you even manage to make it to the halfway point of this turd of an article. Yes, lets make a guy lose all 50 states so we can prove our party is still pure. Forget that when the primaries are done, 11 Million people will have voted for the guy. I feel like 20 years from now, Trump’s…

But, but...but: baseball. Actually, watching George Will yammer about baseball in the Ken Burns film made me like baseball less. You just know George has a shrine to Kenesaw Mountain Landis in an alcove just off his sex dungeon.

She’s not welcome back in Hades after the disastrous merger with Compaq.

Did Hades just announce they would be laying off 30,000 demons? If yes, she’s baaaack.

what are the odds that Ted’s daughters knocked Carly out of the way in an effort to escape from his revolting embrace?

A very big part of me wants this campaign to go all the way through to November. Between this and the VERY WEIRD victory handshake thing today, these people could be even funnier than Trump.

Whoa, who said anything about astronauts? I wanted to be a SPACEMAN, with laser guns and aliens and shit.

replace “study and find work” to “physically dominate children” and I think you’ve nailed it!

I like to think there were signs. Just shooting shit in the locker room “When I was growing up I had a crush on Murphy Brown.” “What, dude?”

I have a bigger problem with him talking (not singing along, but chit-chatting) over the music. I fucking hate people who do that.