You know damn well she doesn't have any pubic hair.

At least he gave all those poor kids in Houston plenty of time to find a new source of Christmas presents.

This creepy...like purity ball creepy.

"He calls me his flower," Sarah says. "He asks 'has she been watered today?'"

Taunt of Slut is my next band name.

He was probably quoting SNL

And Houston. Don't forget Houston!

American Sniper is just the Marine Todd internet meme made into a movie. Remember when The Passion of the Christ came out and people were afraid to criticize it for being nothing more than two hours of torture-porn because they were afraid of going to hell? That's Sniper. People don't want to be considered…

Killer find. I live in Houston. I don't think this would be weird now, either.

50 shades is the ranch dipping sauce of books

Yeah. There was something about it that made it IDEAL for sick reading. Maybe because I only had to use 1% of my brain.

All Day I Dream About Salvation

I want to call my mom and thank her for not being such a heinous bitch.

YEAH. I was "punk rock" in high school, which basically means I wore shiny combat boots from Hot Topic and knew who Rancid was. I had a boyfriend who made me glue his hair (glue.) into a mohawk. I thought Blink 182 "sold out", which in retrospect is completely hilarious. But then, most things you do at 13 end up being…

See what you did, Republicans? Lack of funding for science education is hurting small business now.

I was really hoping the shop would be saved because people pulled their heads out of their asses and started shopping there again.

Dear Moms of All Politicians Everywhere,