"Deadspin rails on people all the time for being racist, but therefore they hate the entire Midwest."

Fixed it for you.

Vulvatron is apparently cool as hell IRL, based on people I know who knew and hung out with her in college.

I don't know whether to get upset about this or not. Is opium, like, not gluten-free or something?

"If it'd been Brett Favre, getting gunned down in a futile attempt to defend his baby daughter and her mother from home invaders in the dark, holy shit, man, we'd have named a national holiday after him."

He's like the real-life version of Brendan Fraser's character in "The Scout," but without the horrifying mental issues.

So...

(1) Make yourself sexually available to drunk men.

"Also, they're 11."

I could not stop laughing.

The NFLPA has lobbied for, and received, regulations limiting the number of practices, the type of contact in practices, and the amount and type of work done in other organized team activities and mini-camps.

When you lobby for regulations limiting things, it is because those things (1) currently exist; and (2) you…

Every time I go in the woods, I'm shocked at how quickly things move. However, there's the "what do they use THAT for?" factor to consider when placing a Squatty Potty device in your home.

#NotAllCops?

I guess your idea of "a scientific population sampling" is "5 of your dumb-ass friends."

"I'm not here to be my kids' friend, I'm their Father. I'm keeping my baby of the pole. By any means necessary."

You're living proof that spanking creates spankers, yes.

Your other argument is specious reasoning.

Ignorance of the law is no excuse.

I doubt that law would survive a facial challenge.

Is it exhausting, removing all context from something and tying yourself in knots to defend poor and probably unethical lawyering?

You know what a good lawyer says here? "We're confident the evidence will back our position" or NOTHING.

Attorneys are subject to a strict code of ethics. Lying like this arguably violates that code.

The very system of tipping is you buying service from the server. That's the nature of the economic transaction (also, the portion of your meal price that goes to the server's hourly wage).

Society has generally agreed that 20% is the standard tip. This is not some far-out concept. Even poor but not offensive…

It really helps if you each really get off on the idea of the other one getting off.

You buy food from the restaurant and service from the server. You've already gotten the service by the time the bill comes. Good service gets a good tip (over 20%); mediocre service gets a mediocre tip (20%); bad service should be taken up with management instead of just passive-aggressively stiffing the server.

That…