I only got like two sentences in before I got a serious case of the terminal NOPES.

I didn't say anything about the United States inventing freedom of speech, or the First Amendment creating freedom of speech (it's obvious that it did not, because it uses the term "the freedom of speech," without elaboration, right there in the text). Excellent straw men, though, and they'll burn nicely.

Of course I…

Those are three rules. Three rules are not "vastly more" than any quantity of rules.

The first one is suspect (seersucker in summer is acceptable many places in the South; tan/taupe suits are not uncommon).

The second is correct (but is far less limiting than "closed-toe pumps with low heels"; no one's saying "black…

If you go to a pride parade and destroy their sound equipment, you will be arrested for whatever appropriate property damage crime applies in that state. You are not impeding their freedom of speech - they still may speak - you only have destroyed a thing that amplifies their speech. That is different than actually…

"Her identity remains unknown."

Um, isn't it pretty obvious who the sunbather is?

Sometimes that's the case, but my point is that this article acts like you have to suffer through your friends' weddings until you finally get your own, and then you never have to do it again. That's a really ludicrous framework.

You do know that people generally don't stop going to their friends' and family's weddings once they're married, right?

"NFL fans would recognize him now; he's been playing in the league for years. His jersey is popular enough that it can be purchased in child sizes."

I'm in the same haze. As ever, great writing about horrifying content!

Small correction for you: Dana Milbank is a man.

"Mark Perry of the American Enterprise Institute notes, for example, that in the four years 2009 to 2012 there were 98 reported sexual assaults at Ohio State."

Well, if those numbers were true of a specific four-year timeframe at only one of the nation's 4,500 institutions of higher education, they must universally…

Which team would be the most fun to watch with LeBron added to their squad? I say the Wizards. I know there's no way it happens, but Wall/Beal/James would be a helluva core.

I love the argument that real Americans should dislike anything European.

You know who loved effete, upper-class European stuff? The Founding Fathers.

My routine:

I retract BERGDOLL!! in favor of BABYDAHL!!! and am justly humbled.

BERGDOLL!!

That joke just whipped right past you, huh?

Without a crime being committed, but with a judicial determination that the person poses a threat of violence subsequent to a hearing, where the respondent can introduce evidence in their defense and where there exists a burden of proof that must be met by the petitioner.

If you look at relative food access across demographics - particularly when looking at the food options available to low- and middle-income Americans - then yeah, it's had to change. Food deserts are real and prevalent.