Nope, no kids and don’t plan on having any either. As Seinfeld once said, I plan on living a barren, sterile existence that ends when I die.

My wife likes to “watch” TV while glued to her phone, and watching my favorite shows with her is infuriating. It never fails that at a pivotal point in the show she will either a) ask me about something that happened earlier in the episode (or season) when she happens to pay attention, or b) fire up some pointless…

I’d say there’s a 99% chance the guys writing these tweets regularly visit Barstool Sports.

Is this really a surprise? They are both their own biggest cheerleader, talk about how they’re going to do great things without really having a grasp on how to accomplish said things, and owe pretty much all of their success to their father. I bet Trump has a treasure trove of foot fetish videos too.

Think about the caddies! What would become of all the poor caddies of the world?!?

Eye see what you did there, and brow to your witticism.

Hanging out with Dante from Grandma’s Boy probably isn’t a good idea either

“I’ve seen better naked bears than this at a spa before.”

Demarcus Cousins may be crazy, but he’s not “I’ll play for the 76ers” crazy.

True, he fed the guy some chin nuts. That’s still high enough to show VC getting a jump ball over someone 7'6" with a 7" vertical is in no way surprising.

Just a reminder, Vince Carter once jumped over a 7 footer.

Oh, you mean those legal prescription drugs that millions of people are addicted to now? The ones with side effects that go on for ten minutes on the TV commercials, and one of the side effects is thoughts of suicide and depression. Not saying weed doesn’t have side effects, but at least it’s a plant and not something…

Is he any relation to Max Power?

NERDS!!!!

If you’ve been arrested over 1,500 times like Henry Earl “aka James Brown” from Lexington, KY, every range of emotion can be displayed in a mugshot:

Seriously, how does a millionaire get such a horribly drawn tattoo?

“He can pull off ridiculous jams”

Still better than South Carolina’s Valentine’s promo featuring basketball coach Frank Martin

That's Shock G, the one who out the satin on them panties...

Nah, it’s much easier to call him someone who likes to be the center of attention when things are going well, but not so much when he’s on the losing end.