I, too, have a few decades of hot Pocket experience.

Holy shit, that’s the one.

Last sentence was gold.

This. No idea why that wasn’t their first method.

^ southerns

So you’re *whips out calculator*

^ sororitied

I chuckled out loud.

1. This well-written, but painful to read.

I thought I saw a velvet rope in the lobby. 

Response to your question:

Praise the Lord.

All the stars, DavyBoy.

Can I get an invite, as well ? 

Reading those last few sentences if yours gave me a dark happiness. 

Thanks for writing this.

I’m no Bloomberg fan, but do you really think that after all of this backlash about his stop-and-frisk program that he would even consider implementing it on a national level ?

Last sentence was so long, I expected at least one misfire.

”...and are looking for hearts to swell for ‘everyone’s favorite corporate billionaire’”

I demand a mansion in the French Riviera.