I’m a fan of this joke.

I can't begin to know who that guy is, but that's excellent work nonetheless.

To quote a good friend of mine when we were discussing Plashcke columns:

+1

With many less wipes than it would take to otherwise ‘clean’

As I was painfully tearing through a third of a roll of Charmin this morning, I asked myself, “Why aren’t bidets commonplace?” They can be built directly into the toilet, they help get you a lot cleaner, and it’s not like using one—even in a public restroom—is any less sanitary than spending five minutes pulling from…

I’d say it’s a pretty cheap price to pay for the better field position for the defense the Browns just got.

Hi deadspin, longtime reader, second time question asker.

Pants game: strong

He certainly looks more comfortable at an Astros game than being in the NBA finals.

It just doesn’t compute. Maybe he was an inverse Herschel Walker, a guy that worked out super hard but didn’t let anyone know about it because he wanted to make it look effortless?

I cannot like this comment enough

Yeah, something similar happened to me: I was making some plum sauce glaze for hot wings and it called for habanero seeds. So I dutifully seeded some habaneros then went to the bathroom to take a leak and took a shower.

This needs more likes.

I’m guessing it was honorary and getting a PhD and self-awareness are not one and the same.

Any relation to Gucci?

That’s exactly what I was thinking, lolol.

I think its a pretty meta critique of using Simmons like style to critique the the style of Simmons. That’s hard to to execute, and this is done well.

When you’re the opposition to ‘big sports,’ I don’t quite understand what point you’re making here. The site doesn’t take itself seriously, and if you’re reading deadspin to level the type of critiques you are suggesting I think you’re missing the point of this website.

Word up Burneko this is essentially everything I've ever said to anyone who liked the shitbag writing of Simmons.