"Ma'am, I understand your concern, but it was congenital."

Oh my God, that's the guy! That's the guy who stole all my credit cards.

In Missouri, investigations are also shut down in cases of legitimate rape.

I don't want to sound like I'm blaming the victim here, but come on. He was both a football player and a political scion? It's like he was asking to be a rapist.

So much for our national right to peacefully assemble, I guess no one here's heard of the First Amendment.

Ugg...

Why NFL Free Agent Chris Kluwe Sucks, By Deadspin's Fourth Worst Deadspinner Ever

How far can you punt a football? Asking for a friend. (He's an NFL GM.)
...
(He's laughing.)
...
(He's calling all his GM buddies.)
...
(They're laughing.)
...
(They're still laughing.)
...
(They're watching tapes of you punting a football and puking from laughing.)
...
(They're deciding which one is gonna call you and pretend to…

Barry, we're going to have to find another sports blog to call home — it looks like Deadspin is consolidating the "talk about punting" and "write like shit" jobs.

Q: What's black and white and read all over?

I can forgive the IronMikeGallego bashing, but Raysism??

You did? Awesome. Let's keep testing your psychic powers and see where this goes. Okay, I've got one. No cheating and clicking the link before you guess.

OK, thanks. Can I ask you one other question?

Are you asking how often I change the sheets or how often they get changed?

Wake up in the morning feelin' like Rick Stanzi,

Baby Got Blackout

Keith Olbermann: [reads Deadspin story]

That goddamn First Amendment is going to be the end of us.

TheMockDraftRuiner: hey guys, pumped for this pick.