The lady is named Aurelia and she only speaks Portuguese, and so does her entire family, apparently, even though all of them live in France. It's irritating.

We're going to have to get a time machine back to the 90s to explain this fully.

You know, I love Katy Perry. I know it's no longer cool to admit on this site, after the whole Geisha thing(which was not a smart move on her part).

My parents live in the country. People tend to drop unwanted pets off in the country. This is Max. He showed up recently and won't leave their sunroom. Tonight Max bit me on the leg because I wouldn't go back inside when he was trying to herd me through the door. Their were some coyotes outside and he was protecting…

Oh my god I am sitting at my desk squeaking with silent hysterical laughter

Something I apparently inherited from my dad without realizing it is a tendency to address the family pets with a lot of barely-rhymed gibberish. Had a golden retriever named Tucker that led to a lot of unfortunate stanzas.

Shorter version: some self-identified feminists really like to use buzzwords without considering their meaning.

• Polly Prostitute

You and your son win Christmas!

Your son sounds awesome!

Jesus Christ, this is a shitshow of an article. And it could've been done so well, too.

The whole "Tintin in the Congo's racist imagery is just like Bratz dolls" part of this piece was a pretty perfect capper on yet another wonderful failure. I really don't enjoy being much of a hater and there's a lot of good stuff that I learn on this site, but Jesus Christ.

I only just noticed this...why don't Bratz have noses? How do they breathe?

You DO know that Leia kills Jabba while in that getup, right? Giant green beast? Have you ever fucking watched Star Wars?

"I can't believe we all gave Carrie Underwood such a hard time for being cast as Maria when we could have been making fun of Stephen Moyer instead."

Wow, without photoshop, that model looks like a beagle.

If you've already got a nanny and have $2500 burning a hole in your pocket, why not hire a cook? If you really want to go really rustic, send yourself to the class and then cook for your own family.

With my toddler, this would just be a lot of time and money spent on food that wouldn't get eaten. Don't get me wrong—we offer her a wide variety, but at the end of the day, she's probably just going to eat a cheese stick and a banana.