I fully expect to see him in a failed kicker version of Nighthawks, with Randy Bullock stealing the fries off his hamburger plate.

It’s even more than that; Tom Walker was almost to Roberto Clemente what Waylon Jennings was to Buddy Holly (except that he wouldn’t have taken his seat on the plane).

“There’s no genie in that bottle, Alex, and even if there were he couldn’t make anyone apart from Deadspin writers like you.”

Oh, that wonderful AFC North smashmouth football.

What a weird quasi-industry, remora fish who can’t stand that they’re attached to a shark.

Counterpoint: interdimensional portal connecting our universe and the alt-universe where Cubs fans are happy is ripped asunder, destroying both universes.

“I’ve been listening to Mike and Mike and the whole thing has been a fantasy sports league ad!” (Subway, Progressive Insurance, Dollar Shave Club, and 2198 other M&M sponsors prepare sternly-worded letters)

All posturing and ads should be sugar-related for the Huckabee long-con, i.e. promoting fake diabetes cures

Just like trying to root out 2 cases of “voter fraud” among millions as corporations buy the public airwaves and the Voting Rights Act is gutted.

Revis: I’ll take some fish and chips.

If somebody wants to makes a bet with you that he called Al “Daddy” well into his 50s, like Nice Guy Eddie in Reservoir Dogs, I’d advise you not to take it.

Good to see the phantom “gun control” is 3x as likely to be a reason than actual police violence/over-incarceration.

I was surprised I was actually almost spot-on with my 9-mashing: $6 million = 0.001% of the yearly budget, then I realized that spending was over 4 years (0.00025%). That’s like the gas for one Humvee in Afghanistan.

They tried to overhaul Pentagon accounting when $1 trillion went unaccounted for in an audit. Since then $8.5 trillion in Pentagon appropriations have remained unaudited.

And here I thought Conde Nast was some sorta Nas/Kanye West joint project.

And now to take a close look at the remaining 99.999% of the annual DoD budget.

From the same bad sci-fi brain-fart of a pyramid scheme that brought you the “John Travolta’s Convincing Hairlines” course

Roger Goodell’s plan to suspend Joaquin for one game has been overturned by The Weather Channel.

If his sputtering campaign (initiated because nobody within his state can stand him any more) falls by the wayside, I’ll shed a single tear for all the teachers and public servants that will never have a chance to get yelled at.

SEE YOU AND MARION AT THE SHOW TRIALS