“That’s insane!”

Girls Having Orgasms

Oh, it’s DEFINITELY justified. Carol basically bullied her into going to this specialist. Then the Skrulls showed up and it turned into a hostage situation and oh yeah it’s in a black hole and if she doesn’t save the day the entire thing is going to explode but all the access points are locked, so if SUPER-pregnant…

When I’m feeling down in the dumps (heh), I just have to remember this article and know that my absolute worst shit story wouldn’t hold a candle to any of these. I thought I had a pretty bad one, but after reading these, I know I’ve lived a charmed life.

Why is everyone going for the robot solution? I mean, any man who has to Google what they find attractive in a woman might be looking for something else in a partner.

“Why should we save them, what good do they do?/Have you ever seen a panda do something good for you?/They can’t wear T-shirts/They can’t bounce basketballs/They can’t walk tightropes/Over Niagra Falls.”

If it’s raining when I order pizza, I immediately raise the tip. If it’s actual hazardous conditions, like a blizzard, I don’t even consider calling anyone.

Came here for this. Best dentist ever. Only guy worthy of the Queen. ;)

Line of the year: “Tupac was one of the biggest thugs there was, and he always wore a seatbelt” or “The pinatas ‘round here is bullshit”?

Who knew this guy was a fan of your column?

I wouldn’t even buy a used car from someone named Chuck Sly.

Blurry, but undeniable, from Finn’s arrival at the base.

Best episode of the season. Not that it’s a strong field. But I loved “Meet Your Second Wife.”

“This Christmas, watch a slacker decide to give the bare minimum amount of effort for his job and family and get rewards heaped on him for doing it.”

Amy Schumer being lusted after is so unbelievable. I prefer my rom-coms to be totally legit, like when Kevin James and Leslie Bibb get together, or Adam Sandler and Kate Beckinsale. You know, a nice out of shape forty-something guy meets a 20-something supermodel who throws herself at him in the final scene.

We got Civil War, Warcraft, Fifth Wave, and Zootopia. So only four. Plus my ticket was only $5. I truly have the best theater ever. ;)

Right next to Springfield, where all those yellow people live.

The defense was basically “They’re black, so... you know, who cares?” so it’s extremely vindicating to see justice brought against this guy.

I thought that said “DAMMMNN FRERES.” Which would go well with Devils on Horseback.