Out here in Southern California we have a name for guys like Seinfeld: "Sucker incapable of frosting his hair." I rate this article 2 sweet & sours and a giant heaping pile of Bourdain.

I met Michael Jackson shortly before he died at a party. He gave me the best compliment anybody aside from my mother has given me. He said, "Guy, sunglasses on the back of your head isn't dumb. Stop listening to Bourdain." I miss Michael everyday. My level of missing him is a 7-layer Mac & Cheese.

Want to know what else is flat? Pizza. I'd love to get cheesy with B.O.B on camera.

I rate your post 3 truckside diners and half a ma and pa backwoods milkshake stand.

I rate this show 2 duck dynasties and half a Guy's Grocery Games.
I rate this article one coupe deville and a tattoo of a woman with DD titties.

I once served Zosia Mamet and her father. David ordered a cheeseburger, but I served him some fried chicken tacos with Glengarry Glenn Rice and Beans on the side. Slammin!

This film was so bad, even I tried killing myself after watching it. Well, really I just skipped a couple doses of my blood pressure medication. But still, terrible film. I rate it one bowling shirt with no flame print.

I hear you there. I hear tonight's episode has a chili cookoff vibe and the cliffhanger ending is going to be some off the hook vampire fries.

Nice. I'm rating you 3 jalepeno poppers and a somewhat used $10 gift card to TGI Fridays

If he wasn't so cool with the gays I'd probably be tempted to add a chocolate malt shake to his score.

A British man living the American Dream. That's money right there.

Flight was alright. I'd give it 2 b cups and some jalepeno poppers.

If I was going to pander to Asians, I wouldn't offer them KFC, I would put the word ninja in front of the items on my menu.

It's hard to appeal to Asian people. You try and serve them up some steak sliders, and instead they want pho. It's just the nature of the business.

Denzel is the man. I've never seen him give a performance that was anything less than Two Burgers and a Chili Cheese Fry. Any of you seen that film Inside Man? That film is hot off the grill.

The guy was an American hero who stood up to the law. Much like myself. Whenever I'm accused of date rape and the judge asks me if I did it, I say, "No sir, I just dine her, drive in and dive." Mark Felt doesn't kiss and tell. MONEY

I'd love to tape them both drinking yard mar's at a Mexican cantina.

Farting Boner Corpse should be the greatest film of all time. But this film was no A1 sauce. I give it a coleslaw and a cup breasts.

John Oliver is alright for a British guy. I rate him 3 bbq sauces and a bowling shirt.

There's actually a Cosby game where you knock people out and hide them in your basement.