Who would ever give a tow company a good review?

Holy crap. I clicked on the video and knew exactly where she is at (sign me up to be an investigative reporter, ESPN. I have a college degree, am in good shape, have all my teeth, and live in an apartment). Before everyone absolutely rags on Britt here, let me play devil’s advocate for just one second.

that dildo box is tight, yo.

We real cool
We left school
We lurk late
We strike straight
We sling fin
We spawn again
We jazz June
We die soon

Quakers, not Puritans. .

I went on a trip to Nantucket with my family when I was 15 and got a book about the whaling industry and the Essex. The only think I remember from the book is that the wives of sailors all had dildos, which they called, 'he's-at-homes.' Good job, New England puritans. I didn't know you had it in ya. Pun ... whatever…

Kid, it's known as the Scales of Justice.

This fish went out like a boss.

The old lie: Dolce et Decorum est pro patria moray.

You beat me to the literal exact same comment. Well played, sir. I shall refer to you henceforth as Gillyn Thomas.

Rage, Rage, Rage, against the dying of the pike.

You ain't gonna hold the video landscape, then I'm smacking your kid.

From hell's heart I slap at thee.

Someone’s hair, anyway

Tiger is such an incredible drama queen. The guy seems to think he struggles more than anyone else — "if only you knew how hard I busted my butt to be back here." Listen, Tiger, buddy — ALL of you bust your asses to be the best. Your struggle is not unique. And at least Mickelson seems to be keeping his hair.

IT’S FUNNY BECAUSE BONE IS ANOTHER WORD FOR ERECTION!

Don’t lie, you’ve never been invited to a dinner party.

And the award for low hanging fruit goes to....

That guy has more trouble with bones popping out. Get it? Get it? I kill at dinner parties.

He traveled.