What a farse!

But…but…but we only just got started!

"I'm so funny I could eat you".

Or the way he doffed his jacket and pitched it to the floor with such manly resolution, as if to say: "I ain't goin' nowhere till I get some, bub".

John: "not talkin' about the window!"

"I vant to suck your franchise".

I'm not that desperate for entertainment.

Have you seen the promos? They're cringeworthy.

Noted. But it is all about the "try". What is it exactly they're trying again that's worth repeating?

Rex Harrison and Richard Burton already scraped the bottom of this barrel forty-five years ago in Staicase, so I'm hard pressed to understand what McKellan and Jacobi hope to dredge other than corrosive residue.

There are other kinds?

No fuss, no muss. That's what beards are for.

It's called fellatio-interruptus.

Ryan Kwanten's luscious ass.

Well that was shit.

That's not Stuart Townsend.

What!

Who?

Put a dome on it.

Routine base under siege escapades with barely convincing CGI backed by Djawadi's typically monotonous music. A cheapish bore, in other words.