When you become outraged at everything, you are outraged at nothing.

The sheer randomness of their inception, though, means it would be totally fine if we one day decided to change them, too.

Man, for $100M I’ll take his place and suffer the beating.

“Emptying the tanks” was my favorite part of the commentary, because the poop wasn’t yet known. Hilarity ensues.

It’s only going to get worse from here.

The BDSM community has covered this extensively in books, articles, etc. that are far more comprehensive and elucidated than this article. If you really want to know the details of how this works in a safe and enthusiastically consensual way for people (as opposed to just displaying how triggered your are), Google is…

I hope everyone enjoys this as much as I do.

There is nothing sweeter in sports than the tears of baseball players bitching about respect for the game.

“Run faster!”

Hi.

Not even close. Tanaka lost a no hitter and the game in a way more infuriating fashion when he got shelled for six runs in the first inning against the Astros, last month.

People shit on Tebow cause he’s a sanctimonious asshole, not because of his lack of baseball skills. That’s just a fun bonus.

You know he played college football and then QBd for the Broncos, right? Between that and the dumb abortion ad, If you think about it, that’s the only reason we know he exists.

People shit on Tebow because he’s a low-skill sanctimonious dick with shit for brains that the NFL marketed to us in some misguided anti-choice bullshit. There, now you know.

I was.

That’s one magic loogie.

I know exactly who I am.

Says everything about Gawker media that 90% of people took your comment at face value. I almost did actually, had to read it three times and check the replies to make sure.

It was clearly satire. You just missed it.

He thought he was off air, it was locker room talk with a co-worker settle down; I’m willing to bet you’ve said worse today.