As a fatty returning to the gym, I’ve found that if I just have Missy Elliott on loud enough in my headphones I am not anxious about shit.

I have considered starting a side business though where you pay me to work out at the same time you do so you will always have someone in worse shape at the gym.

“I drafted Paxton Lynch, so you can trust me with big decisions”

I just need to convince these  people that Nike makes all of the confederate flags and TruckNutz you see.

This diet is a great way to balloon your carbon footprint!

Almost always way better for the environment as well.

Yakety Sax in human form.

Their fancy french butter is better than brands that are WWWAAAAYYY more expensive. I never thought fancy butter was worth it until I tried theirs.

And they come in a plastic tub so you can just pour in milk and eat them with a spoon.

To restore his powers Zidane must ritually re-headbutt Marco Materazzi.

She also gave us the most adorable photobomb I’ve ever seen

One of my dogs is picky about eating in the morning, but I’ve found that “whetting his appetite” helps. I basically just dab a small bit of peanut butter right under his nose before I start making the food. He spends a few minutes licking it off, and by the time his fancy food is ready to go he seems to be ready to…

He’s literally better than every quarterback the Bears have had since I was 9.

I have some thoughts on college coaches making the same salaries as assistant professors.

Can we call her Mary Poopins?

Trumpsterbation

If they really wanted to punish him and send a huge statement they’d demote him to the average professor salary for a year.

No one was feigning shock or surprise, just pointing out a simple fact that people who punch kids in the face shouldn’t be cops, and that some of us, with even less training, managed to deal with similar kids daily without punching them.

Yeah if you can’t handle unarmed 14 year olds maybe consider not going into law enforcement.

I worked at a group home where emotionally disturbed kids regularly spit on me and tried to hit me, but I never felt the need to punch them BECAUSE I WAS A FUCKING ADULT.

Geologist here, there are crystals under everyone’s floors everywhere.