NOOOOOOO

“Honey, I love you. Here is a product to make you look like a different woman. You’re welcome.”

The Puritan Backroom is also the name of my Salem Witch Hunt-themed gay sex dungeon.

Give the guy a break. It has to be a seriously depressing existence to wake up every morning, and the man in the mirror is 50% Donald Trump.

If people think that they didn’t look just as dumb or say things just as dumb as a teenager, they’re remembering their teenage years wrong. You may not have been posing for artsy try-hard pictures in a dress, but you sure as hell did something just as objectively weird.

Holy fuck...but you know, having guns is the most important thing...

Nicholas Sparks’ house is filled with paintings by Thomas Kinkade.

Wait, wasn’t this in one of the Lord of the Rings Movies, or close to it?

Lighten up, Francis.

Wow. We dudes are nothing if not persistent. Andy’s been dead thirty years and still managed to send a woman a dick pic.

My favourite, which I sadly remember, was ‘Number Two With a Bullet’.

Equally appropriate.

A commentary on how a fool and his money are easily parted?

I’m a fairly straight guy, but whenever I see Zac Efron, I always have to mumble, “this guy, this guy keeps on getting better looking. I should probably stop drinking so many beers.”

I wonder if falling a lot during his career led to CTE and depression.

Zac Efron has made me realize exactly what it’s like to be a cis het man who objectifies women without even meaning to.

I want to see his movies only because he’s hot. I don’t care what he’s like as a person, I don’t respect him as a person. I care about him only as an object of my gaze. He exists only to please my…

Lincoln triple play

You are a great aunt (or uncle). I was once given a CD with 99 fart tracks, all named. There were even some bonus tracks. Getting that after a lot of wine meant laughs all around.

Girl, Interrupted was a role that called for lots of weird wordless sounds, so her acting “skills” fit perfectly. Anything else, literally any other role....nope, no, just shut up Angelina and look pretty.