Literally I was just expecting pictures of Laura and Bruce Dern.

And "I'm allergic to crunchy. But not crispy."

You are 100% right

Dornan only looks good with the facial hair.

Next week on Jezebel: Female productivity in the work place sky rockets in Washington DC.

Instead of outright saying "I'm a lesbian," in the future I will just say "I'm more casual than ever." It's basically the same.

"Kristen Stewart forgoes bikini for a pair of men's Y-fronts... as she flashes her bra while cosying up to pal Alicia Cargile on Hawaii beach"

Out of all his defenders, she's the one I'm most disappointed by. :/

BYE PHYLICIA.

I can't lie: I checked out as soon as I hit the word "cuddle" in the first bullet point. "Cuddle" is the "moist" of relationship words. *cringes*

Isn't Mark Twain the Mark Twain of American comedy?

This is really going to piss off the aliens. Saved the environment, started an intergalactic war. Thanks Greenpeace.

assless children is a serious issue that needs more public attention!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Don't cut your wrists with all that Edginess.

I have a huge ass, and I fricking move. But I'm half Russian so, you know, shit ain't gonna steal itself.

"My father warned me about hiring people like that, people with big butts. Do you understand what I mean? People with big butts don't work fast."

My friend calls her butt her "hustle bustle." I assume it makes her go faster?

I've worked in a half dozen restaurants and never seen nor heard anyone make a racist comment. I've been around people who make jokes based on race, but it was all in good fun and no one took it seriously.

Also, as a Scottish-American, I can attest that he's right about the Irish.