“Horton, Here’s a Poo!”

“I said if it helps, I’ll put a sign-up sheet and everyone can come and pee,”
“Yeah, Jameson,that’s not how medicine works.”
“I’m just saying, man. Piss on me, shit on me. Whatever it takes.”
“Wait, shit-”
“Tie me up and choke me. Call me a dirty slut. You can take the handle of that bat and stick it up my ass, all the…

Police left after discovering that “burglary” is just what Gronkowski calls a cookout.

Camrys are nice cars, though.

“Camaro”

I’m not racist. I have white friends. Namaste!

This is what happens when your rules aren’t very clear and concise. Like when Shane McMahon banned Sami Zayn from ringside, so Sami attacked Randy Orton on the ramp instead. Semantics are very important.

St. Louis Post-Dispatch headlines:

Even his teeth are like GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF HERE.

Kershaw in the World Series or me in therapy?

Yeah only on planet FUCK THIS WEED IS STRONG is Litter Caesar’s a preferred dinner choice over Pizza Hut.

Oldest trick in the book. Jimmy’s gonna fill his bindle with everyone else’s clothes.

You geriatric fuck

“Sad story but I’m going to be an asshole anyway.”

He’s gonna stick to snorts

Seems disrespectful toward veterans and the flag, tbh.

As always, the NFL wants its players to remain silent and non-reactive to unjust violence.

Being treated like a bad guy for expressing displeasure in reaction to some really shitty conduct by others is totally unheard of among NFL players.

Collins also had to deal with his pitching coach going AWOL every time a new Despicable Me movie started shooting.

You don’t clean up puke for a living, do you?