Eating your kids’ food: When I first read this, I thought “Christ, that sickening!” until I thought about all the terrible things I’ve put in my body as a bachelor. Bag of fries smothered in cheese with a side of six or seven beers.

“Merry motherfucking Christmas!

Yeah, I’m having way more fun believing he actually posted this... But I know he didn’t because then he’d have chosen a much cooler picture, like, I dunno, him smoking a blunt while getting head from a woman who looks suspiciously like Kim Pegula on top of a huge pile of money.

I always just assumed VPs were chosen specifically for how ineffectual, morally bankrupt or just plain useless they would be as the actual president to prevent the actual president from getting assassinated. “Mike Pence? Oh yeah, he’s a huge asshole, nobody who’d ever wanna shot me is gonna want THAT fucking guy in…

I dunno anything about controversy and I know even less about what’s in good taste. All I know is that seeing the name DICK. ROCK HARD. JOHNSON. inspired more laughter from me than should be acceptable from an adult

I regard boneless wings the same as chicken fingers, only smaller. But here in lies the dilemma; I’ve acknowledged that food can only be eaten with your hands if there’s a bone. There are exceptions of course, I wouldn’t eat a burger with a knife and fork like Thibideau Von Doucheknuckle nor would I just pick up a…

I don’t have any kids nor do I have siblings but my mother is one of twelve and my father is one of five. It was great when I was a kid and everybody would get me a Christmas gift but as an adult, it’s ugly. My father’s family get-togetherness are like the Thunderdome (FIVE MEN ENTER; ONE MAN LEAVES) while my mother’s…

I have a strange perspective on siblings. I had a brother 3 years younger but he had Down’s syndrome so he had to live in a special kind of treatment-home. And then I had another brother 7 years younger and vaguely remember the pregnancy, except the baby suffocated on his own umbilical cord. So anytime one of my…

As a Toronto fan, the bitch of this isn’t that both our shots at glory (Jays and raptors) were cut by Cleveland; it’s that since Toronto is pretty much the fan-equivalent of a WWE heel, I feel like we deserve it. Good luck, Cleveland. I hope we can at least say we were beaten by the best

At least we held onto our beer-cans this time.