{Speaker sits there, playing the big victim card}

...and his left eye appears to have two pupils upon closer inspection, the latter of which is a common error among computer-generated faces...

Rode the bus or my bike all over town — a small city of about a million people at the time.

And suddenly, Rosario Dawson becomes the least interesting thing about Cory Booker. God bless you, Henry Louis Gates, Jr.

How was his nickname not The Challenger Disaster?

If you’re done (rhetorically) stewing, feel free to lecture us on irony.

Anytime is the right time for Race Bannon references. A star, good sir.

To honor Pence’s wish that America returns to 1955, I humbly submit: Marty McFly.

Point 2: I fully agree with this. Prob better if I had used quotes there too. However, I’m not confident that something being ‘unconscionably heartless’ is a dealbreaker in the Barrett’s orbit. Major ‘Get Out’ feels.

Nah, simpler. They’re def the yearly-family-photo type, and they’ve taken the same ‘core family’ photo (i.e., true Barretts only) for the album every year. To keep it going, the core family lines up <snap> THEN they bring in the adopted kids <snap>. No need to rearrange between shots.

We have the facts and we’re voting Patton Oswalt.

Is this entomology or brunch? Swap that rice wine for Grey Goose, and you’ll catch all the Ambers, Kayleighs, Caitlyns, and Peytons you can stomach.

Only Moloko (and/or Róisín’s flow on Handsome Boy Modeling School’s “The Truth”) can rescue this week. Calgon, take me away.

“Five stars!” - My brain, thumbs, eyes, and ears

“I... I, I...I, I, I won’t forget it.” - Jae Crowder on Ja Morant’s dime.

“...the basketball ring...”, or as Ja calls it: the untucked rim.

Predictable, b/c also in Gaffney:

So, Infinite Scroll manages to discuss Zones without mentioning The Great Concavity from Infinite Jest. Fair enough. Feral hogs ain’t got shit on feral hamsters, the true piss-colored harbingers of doom.

Spoiler Alert: The Riddler will be beaten to death by a bowling pin in the basement of The Biltmore Wayne Manor.

I guess those birds should have [removes sunglasses] turned left.